Through Love’s Eyes

I came face to face with something ugly this week.  Sadly, I was shocked at where it came from, though, maybe I should not have been.  The sexualization of women in our society has been going on for so long; it’s pretty pervasive and often unseen.  The ‘Sexual Revolution’ is a whole generation ago, and the loosening of modesty norms that lead to todays accepted Western clothing really began at the turn of the last century.  Modern bathing suits and showing more and more skin isn’t anything new.  I know I have been amazingly blessed in a husband who not only loves me, but respects me.  And while we are obviously attracted physically to each other, it has been my deep privilege to learn and grow with this man, to discover how deep love and mutual affection can go – beyond our outer appearances as others see us.  It was a slow learning for me, but I long ago realized that my husband sees me through ‘tinted’ glasses.  Love really can be blind.  As all women, I am highly aware of my physical flaws: my imperfect skin, my plumpness, the curves I wish were less so and the ones that could be bigger.  Ladies, a man, a real man, really can love you to the point where he doesn’t see any of that.  His eyes can shine as he looks at you, seeing the you he loves and cherishes.  I have lived within that kind of love for seventeen amazing years now.

And so when a male friend shared his strong beliefs on health and fitness, and shared images of body-building women in bikinis (to better show off their hard work) and I cried foul over sharing such images, I was really shocked by his response.  And on the surface, much of what this friend shared held elements of truth.  He stated the images did not have sexual intent, but were to prove that women could be feminine and do body building – and that you couldn’t show that without showing their bodies.  He then went down a path I had not expected, and got very passionate about staying physically attractive for your spouse.  Elaborating on this topic, he stated that it was unfair to a spouse to gain excessive weight, to expect the same attraction and sparks when one (or, I suppose, both) have become obese and physically unattractive.   Due to his sharing of these images of women, most of his emphasis was on the wife needing to work at maintaining her ‘sexy’ body to keep the spark in the marriage.  But to be fair, he never stated the husband did not need to do the same.  It was easy to agree with his argument, but yet I came away from it feeling offended.  From a health standpoint, it only makes sense to take care of our bodies.  And I’m sure those women in his images worked very hard and made many sacrifices to achieve their sculpted ‘perfect’ bodies.   He asked if I was more offended by the images, or by his stating that my husband would prefer I do the same – as in, work out.  I admit that comment made me see red.  Because really, the answer is: both.

I do not need to accept pictures of half-naked women as acceptable or normal, just because society uses our bodies to sell everything from hot dogs to cars.  I do not plan to just roll over and accept the shallow excuse for sex that society sells us either.  I’m too invested in the next generation to let them grow up thinking the best sex is with the best physically fit person that they are the most attracted to at the moment.  Feelings come and go.  Our physical beauty will eventually fade, age is inevitable.  Life also happens.  Many women really struggle after pregnancy to regain their ‘pre-baby’ physique.  I’m not talking about obesity here, just your general wear and tear.  No one can stay ‘body-building’ perfect forever.  Ladies, my friend was so wrong.  Sex in marriage is a beautiful, marvelous and amazing thing that is ever changing, ever evolving, ever improving.  It is the very connection of these two issues that breaks my heart.  Boys grow up being bombarded by images of what they assume is normal, of what they have been brain-washed into believing is the only ‘sexy’ way a woman can look.  Girls grow up always feeling insecure and just a little bit less than, because we can never measure up to the air brushed ads or we can’t put in the hours of exercise to achieve that ‘perfect’ body.  And so when a grown man who should know better perpetuates such crushing expectations, I’m shocked.  And just a little bit angry.  And when he tries to turn it back on me, I get offended.  And being a woman, I start to wonder – because, well, we all do.  And then enters my husband, who has been looking at me in love for so long.  My husband is not confrontational, at all.  He simply asks why I get involved in such pointless arguments.  Ladies, you are worth more than your appearance.  Do you hear me?  Girls, you are beautiful, inside and out, and there is a man out there, created just for you – who will see that, and will cherish you, and build you up.  His eyes will shine at you, seeing you through his love – ‘warts’ and all.